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Random Funny Sayings Biography

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There is no point of running away form a sniper. You will die from exhaustion.

Sometimes even when you brake you can’t stop.

It is not bad if you got stood up, it is worse if you liked it.

I love to travel. It’s a way of meeting new people, opening the gates of new cities. Signed by Genghis Khan.

Everyone has a conscience: it doesn’t matter if he wants it or not.

It seemed like we were screwed. It appeared it didn’t seem like that.

A badge on the 150 kilo man: I’m tired of living; ask me if I want to lose weight.

After another crisis it is getting obvious why the spoon is used according to the design. However, we use it as a musical instrument.

Carlson is not that scary, only his propeller is.

According to the principle of the sandwich, if you put butter on both sides the sandwich will hang in the air.

The longer you sleep – the more sleep you need. The more you eat – the bigger is your appetite.

They look so much alike, like two drops from the same end.

If the answer to all questions is yes, so why not?

There is a lot of conscience in me, but there’s a lack of time.

‘Who the hell allowed me to be born in this stupid head?’ a Thought said and killed herself…

Not all the things are that bad, as everything that is wrong so bad.

Concerning the absence of toilet paper, there should be complaint books laid out at publicly used places.

The eyes are afraid of. And they do well.

If a person loses his head, why does it matter how many brains did he have?

From two vices I always choose the one I haven’t tried yet.

There are lots of good people, but much less of useful ones.

There’s good climate in heaven, but a better company in hell.

What is Napoleon’s legacy? The cake, the cognac and psychos.

You were born yourself, now help the others.

So there would be something to be silent about, there is always something to talk about.

A trolley infected with a controller is like a rotten apple: not that bad from the outside, but used only in extreme cases.

Winged phrases are passed from mouth to mouth, and that way they multiply

Color blind are lucky people! They don’t notice the greyness of the daily routine.

If you see green, it doesn’t mean the spring has come.

The row saw me and happily waged the tail.

During a hiking trip: these are not legs anymore, but a means of transportation.

Cleavage – is an art of being naked so that you’re still dressed up.

Summer, please go slower.

A bright mind is a necessity while shopping.

If you didn’t hear it with your own ears, didn’t see with your own eyes, then don’t think nonsense with your little brain and don’t talk with your big mouth.

Happiness comes from within. That's why it feels good to fart.

I hate it when I say I hate everyone and someone's gotta be like, 'Oh except me lol'. Haha no bitch, especially you.

Isn't it weird how we basically have an endless mental conversation with ourselves?

If a man says you're ugly, he's being mean. If a woman says you're ugly, she's envious. If a little kid says you're ugly, you're ugly.

Since when did we replace the word 'said' with 'was like'?

If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me and we'll make fun of people together.

If you have to wake me up to ask me for something, the answer is automatically, 'NO'.

Officer: How high are you?

Me: No officer it's, 'Hi, how are you?'

Sanitizers: The thing you use when you're too lazy to wash your hands.

I love how when you delete an app on iPhone, all the other apps get scared and start shaking.

Two wrongs don't make a right. THREE wrongs make a right. Just like three rights make a left. Life is like a pack of gum... I'm yet to find out why.

Just Smell the Flowers

Blue Watermelons

The Darkest Grip

Lair Lair Game

Cookies for Friends

"Gone"

You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.

Great minds run in great circles.

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein--it rejects it.

The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.

Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. (Alan McKay)

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.

Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions.

If it happens, it must be possible.

The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. (Parkinson)

A slave is one who waits for someone else to set him free. (R. Brown)

Like most wildly ambitious people, I am driven almost exclusively by fear of failure. (Scott Turow)

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? (Edgar Bergen)

Always leave within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. (Josh Billing)

Everywhere is walking distance if you have time. (Steven Wright)

So I did the only thing you can do when you are trapped in a corner: I chewed my way through the wall. (Scott Adams)

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. (Albert Einstein)

The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

If you're happy, you're successful.

Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.

If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day.

If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be broken.

I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.

Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.

Conceptual Inertia: If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. (H. H. Williams)

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Q: Why don't elephants eat penguins?
A: Because they can't get the wrappers off.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. (Phil White)

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