Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images

Funny Status Sayings Biography

Source:- Google.com.pk

I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.

Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.

Why is it called cliffhanger and not

Don't worry about the grass on the other side. It's not your grass.

Sorry, I can't delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one

It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.

Trying to figure out how to ask a girl on a first date of Netflix and pizza without sounding all serial killery

I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.

The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.

Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.

Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!

Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!

How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?

Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.

My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they're leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.

If you're not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.

If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?

You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.

Sometimes, I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them

I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.

I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.

One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”

It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?

You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.

Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?

I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.

I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.

I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"

The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.

Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.

My life is loosely based on a true story.

Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.

Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I'm never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.

Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.

"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam

I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you're really clingy and annoying

Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.

Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%

Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images

 

Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images

  Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images 

Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images

Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images 

Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images

  Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images  

Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images 

Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images

 

Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images  

Funny Status Sayings Funny Sayings Tumblr About Love For Kids And Pictures About Friends About Life And Quotes Wallpapers About Work Images